R.I.P Grandma!

It's been a full year that my grandma has been gone today, which I have not been looking forward to today because for those of you who knew her knew how dear she was too me. I wrote a short piece early this morning so here it is...

Damn I miss you
Tears in my eye I need a tissue
Wishing you were here so I can kiss you
But the best is what I always wished you
I cant believe its been a full year
But not a day goes by where I dont wanna shed a little tear
It forced me to become a man and grow up
When your funeral came I swear I didn't wanna show up
Ofcourse grandma not out of disrespect
But I felt I got slapped with a reality check
Your no longer here but I know your still by my side
I'm trying to explain to my little sisters as they cry
Moms in the next room talking about suicide
At this point I never been in more of a rush to die
At times I felt Jesus was such a fraud
This pain I'm feeling there cant be a god
I didn't understand why god took my best friend, my world, my life
Cuts so deep into my soul, the tangible knife
Even when I write this I can taste my tears
Scared of death? No I already faced my biggest fear
Losing you was at the top of my list
Tears in my hands slowly turned into tears in my fist
I was outraged with mixed emotions of despair and hate
"this isn't fair!" I screamed this just wasn't her fate
Bad people live and good people die
Life is short and you sure didn't lie
I still keep your cell number in my phone
Wishing I can call you and tell you "come home"
But no I only get the answering machine
But I know you didn't just abandon me
So I will just wait til I see you again
My world, My life, My Best Friend